I once broke up with a boyfriend over text, he was livid and couldn’t quite forgive me. I was genuinely surprised by how badly he took it.
Yes, we had dated for two and a half years, but also he had asked for a break with me first, (what in the world is “taking a break” anyway? Either you are together or you are not??) and then proceeded with Bolt-ian speed to date another girl.
Four months into this break, with tears gushing from my eyes, I knew I needed to end things, and that there was no way I would be able to if I spoke to him or saw him face to face.
He accused me of not caring about him enough and being a coward about things. Was I being a coward or acting bravely to get out of a situation I knew I needed to get out of?
Is there a guideline to breaking up with your girlfriend? Or are you wondering how to break up with your boyfriend?
Breaking up over text, should we do it? If so, when is it acceptable? And, how should it be done?
Statistically 88% of men compared to 18% of females break up over text. It is known as only one step above ghosting, which is basically disappearing on someone.
Modern technology and an influx of more casual relationships has meant that we can now break up in a variety of different ways, that are socially acceptable. While breaking up over text falls into this category, it does so with various strict guidelines.
So here is what the world says about breaking up via text, and how to actually do it.
Reasons you shouldn’t
There seems to be a general dislike for the concept of breaking up with someone over text. The internet is full of bitter tales, of being broken up with via text. Break up messages seem to cause incredible damage to the ego of the other person. Though there is a universal agreement that it is better than ghosting, many people feel it communicates the following;
It shows the relationship didn’t really matter to you.
It is considered a measure of how much a relationship matters to a person by how they break up with their significant other. Sending a text is perceived as callous and uncaring. “you couldn’t even be bothered to face me and tell me???”
Doesn’t allow the other person the chance to communicate their feelings
When a break up happens, the person left behind has questions that need to be answered. It seems to be the common consensus that conversations while breaking up, afford the injured party closure. Whereas breaking up over text denies the person this opportunity.
It is disrespectful to the other person.
Refer to 1. People feel disrespected when they feel they have invested more than the other person. It leaves women saying, “how dare he…” and men saying, “I can’t believe she…”
It leaves unresolved feelings
Again, people in relationships invest emotion, and when they don’t get to share that emotion, they are left with unresolved feelings. This may affect their future relationships negatively.
It is taking the easy way out.
One of the reasons people break up over text is to avoid confrontation and drama. No sympathy for the dumper here. It is agreed that if you had spent time in a relationship, you ought to be able to take the drama when leaving it.
When is it ok or Is it ever okay to break up over text?
Apparently, even the widespread unanimity against breaking up over text has exceptions.
It is still the early days of a relationship.
So you met a guy on Tinder, you have had a couple nice dates, but you just don’t see it going anywhere. Absolutely text him and tell him so. Or say, there was just no attraction for you, then feel free to cut that story short over text.
It is dangerous to meet them in person.
Should you find yourself in an abusive relationship that you can’t safely leave, then messaging the person in a clear and concise way, that you are done, prevents confrontation and possible injury.
It is a casual relationship anyway.
This may mean that you are each other’s booty call, or you just hang out once in a while, then it is socially acceptable to break up over text. It is not as if either or you had invested a lot in the relationship anyway.
You felt disrespected in the relationship
If they didn’t respect you, why should you respect them?
It is a long distance relationship
If the relationship is long distance anyway, then there is no reason to travel only to break up with someone. But then again, shouldn’t that be the case anyway?
When you have tried everything else
You have met face to face and the discussion just won’t end. Your significant other found you far too significant to let go of. All your attempts lead to tears and blackmail, send a text and don’t see the person again.
How to break up over text
Breaking up Is hard whichever way it’s done. No matter which way you choose, here are some basic guidelines that apply:
That’s easy enough. Just be nice and respectful no matter what. Remember, whether or not you know it, you may be causing the other person significant pain.
Say something you liked about them
I don’t know a single person in the world that isn’t slightly pacified by a personal comment that is positive. If you can’t think of any specific thing, then go ahead and say “you are wonderful” or “you are amazing!”
Keep it short and sweet
There is really no reason to go into all the things that have bothered you throughout the relationship- even if that comprised only 3 weeks and 2 dates. Simply say you can’t see each other anymore and move on.
Be clear. The relationship is over. Do not leave any room for hope. “let’s be friends” is about as clear a statement of lack of interest as any. Maybe you even mean it.
Examples of good break up texts: elite daily
- Elite Daily. Caitlyn Luce Christensen: https://elitedaily.com/dating/breakup-texts-for-casual-date/1963014/
- GQ: this is the only break up text you should ever send. Lauren Larson: https://www.gq.com/story/the-ultimate-breakup-text
- Bustle. Zoe Wiener: https://www.bustle.com/articles/121692-how-to-breakup-with-someone-if-you-cant-do-it-in-person-according-to-an-expert
- Love & Harmony. The Decent persons guide to breaking up: http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/relationships/the-decent-persons-guide-to-breaking-up/#.Wa46C8gjHIV
- Future scopes: why you shouldn’t break up with a text. Kalyani10: http://www.futurescopes.com/relationship-issues/breaking/3734/why-you-shouldnt-break-text-message
- Refinery 29: three rules to breaking up over text. Kasandra Brabaw: http://www.refinery29.com/2017/04/152063/how-to-break-up-by-text